Dominican Republic 2022
From Epic's second service trip to Jarabacoa, DR.
*as the plane descends into the Santiago airport*
Whoa, is that the Great Wall of China?
- Jayden
SPF 100? Micah, you're gonna be whiter than when you left.
- Jace
My body is curved. Because I have scoliosis.
- Caiden
Don't drip 'n' rip.
- Jayden
Frfr
- everyone, probably
¡Ya te mato!
- Kenli
*entering the room*
Frog check.
- Jayden
Jayden: I like Bill Nye, except that he's a COMMUNIST...or something.
Justin: I think he's an atheist.
Jayden: Oh yeah, that's the one.
Justin: When you think about it, you can never buy an unused mirror.
Noah: OH NO
There's guys, and then there's guy guys.
- Noah
Schwan: Noah, you're like 25% gayer than usual this trip.
Noah: It's Caiden and Jayden's influence. Wait, how gay am I normally?
Schwan: Single digits.
Justin: Like 9%.
That kid's tongue is so cute. I want to cut it out and take it home.
- Calista
Tu español es caca.
- local kid addressing Kade
Are you milking your hair?
- Kade
Let's put underwear on and settle this like men.
- Jason
Jayden: Don't put those snails in our room!
Ian: Why not? It's just Justin. He's an immigrant.
*90 seconds later, after discovering one of said snails*
Justin: This is another reason I don't want to have kids.
Logic isn't always right. Solving the problem forever is the only thing to fear.
- Jace's entire cult
When you think about it, the temperature of water is its flavor.
- Justin
*points at wallet in pocket*
Caiden: What's that?
Schwan: It's my burner phone. For drugs.
What's the difference between Alzheimer's and scoliosis?
- Jace
I wonder whether in feminist card decks, the queen is higher than the king.
- Noah
Gavin: When we find out who the witches are, can we burn them at the stake?
Calista: Let's hang them. You see those hanging lights?
*holds up his elbow to show a paint stain*
Zach: Oh, I gave myself this, huh?
Noah: Yeah, you tried to lick your elbow while you had a paint roller in your mouth.
Just don't go all the way back to the crack.
- Tony
You sick individual.
- Gavin
*extends hand*
Hi, I'm Noah. I sleep in my socks.
- Noah
My coffee to poop ratio has been off this week.
- Schwan
*petulantly*
No, Jace. You won't draw me a picture, so I won't give you a kiss.
- Higgy
Mi novio es mi hermano.
- Caiden
*pointing out two stray dogs sniffing and licking each other*
That could be us but you playin'.
- Caiden (to Jace)
*mid conversation, looking at Schwan*
Noah: Is there a term for that?
*Justin turns off the light*
Noah: Wait, where'd you go?
I like Zach but not Todd.
- Grace
Give me my hat, or there will be schwansequences!
- Ian
What the sex?
- Jorge
Everyone's happy in the Dominican Republic.
- shady shopowner to Gavin
Who needs shirts when we have hairnets?
- Noah
Na na na na, every day / Like my Hot Pocket's stuck on the plate
- Caiden
I may be stupid with money, but at least I don't spend it on flavored air cancer.
- Zach
Is your bathroom in use? I've gotta pee like a Russian racehorse.
- Tony
I go for HANDFULS, man!
- Tony
*Grace and Marissa clasping wrists*
Tony: They're holding hands!
Marissa: No! Wrist-holding is way different!
The real pirates of the Caribbean are the friends we made along the way.
- Schwan
So Ely, when you see your mom, let her lick on your face for a little bit.
- Jason
You know, this is only my second time ever in the United States.
- Jayden