*arriving at the ruins of a mining town*
That's so metal.
- Spoon
*to Spoon, who is hiking in a kilt*
Are you freeballin' that?
- Jarrett
*teaching about our relationship with God and making a vertical hand motion*
...and our horizontal relationship...
- Jason
Jayden: Schwanny, you wanna be the fourth spoon?
Schwan: What I don't want is to go to jail.
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh
- everyone
*a random 9-year-old drops into his lap at the water park*
Welp, that's illegal.
- Jarrett
*cautiously opening the bathroom door* TOES?!
- Alex
Quit grabbing my nut pillow!
- Alex
In my cult, every day is Thursday.
- Schwan
Thad: lately I've been thinking I'm a nectarine. Wait, is that the right word?
Mitchell: I think you mean nocturnal.
Caleb: Come again?
Thad: Again? I never came the first time.
I hope that was a finger in my mouth just now.
- Todd
Got my OJ. Now I gotta go home and kill my wife.
- Jarrett
Are you 5? Because you look like a SNACK.
- Caiden
Thad-mad isn't even that bad.
- Jayden
*cocks imaginary shotgun*
This is my fairy stick.
- Spoon
*trying to refer to Spoon's sock tan line*
Dude, you have a really gnarly sack!
- Miki
*referring to Thad*
He's bootin' with no socks.
- lifeguard
Micah: Todd is a senior now!
Mitchell: Todd the Son is now Todd the Father.
Touch me again and I'll kiss you.
- Caiden
*after Jack dislodges a rock while hiking, injuring himself and Mitchell*
We've just damaged our two perfect men.
- Jason
My first thought was not "Am I gonna be okay?" but more "Is Jason gonna be mad at me?"
- Mitchell
Where's Fish?
- everyone, probably
*walking single file through a narrow wooded path*
Did you leave anyone in Ohio?
- random hiker
Die, mosquito scum!
- Fish
Schwan: get you a girl who looks at you the way Joe Biden looks at literally any woman under 30.
Alex: That leaves an itch on the roof of my mouth that only a shotgun can scratch.
*to Jarrett*
Oh, I guess you work for the government now. Put in a good word about communism for me.
- Micah
Calm your goobs.
- Zach
I went in with a hat, spooned 13 guys, came out without a hat. I'm not sure what's going on.
- Jayden
Jayden: the girls' cabin felt like it got hit by a heat wave.
Tyler: oh, THAT'S why they're so hot.
Jen: I volunteer not to go into the river.
Alex: the river doesn't take volunteers.
Schwan: it takes sacrifices.
You'll see to your left the general store. Just don't go in there looking for anything too specific.
- guide
*as he falls off the raft into the river*
It's been a day.
- Kurt
*in rapids, riding the front of their respective rafts like a bull*
🎶BLUE RIDGE MOOOOOOOOUNTAINS, SHENANDOAH RIVEEEEEEEEER🎶
- Jarrett and Spoon
Everyone doos the clicks.
- Spoon
*in debrief about the week*
I'm really gonna miss spooning with the bois.
- Zach
It's kind of like eating chimpanzee meat. I'd eat it, sure, but I'd think about it first.
- Schwan
*hands Marissa the first page of Habakkuk, torn loose from her Bible* Here, eat the Bible so you can get the Holy Spirit.
- Makenna
Raw chicken cleans everything.
- Mitchell
Thickness is key. In more ways than one.
- Ty
Tristan: how do you get more rabbits?
Fish: I breed them.
Tristan: Wait, you breed them?
Fish: Well, no, I force them to breed each other.
*Anya trips*
This is why we can't have nice things, like cliffs.
- Alex