I met Shuaha's girlfriend last night. Kinda tragic. She's Italian.
- Issy
*points to backpack* This sucker's on the verge of prolapsing.
- Issy
How dare you assume their race based on their color!
- Jaren
If you didn't grow up hearing electricity, are you even autistic?
- Issy
Hey Schwitler, how do I rizz up Taiwanese baddies?
- Issy
What if we Lady and the Tramp'd it outside the Poshpacker Hotel?
- Issy
"No food or drink." Do they care about snacks? Cuz I'm going in here.
- Issy
What can I say man, I'm into yellow eggs and yellow ham.
- Issy
The rapture's gonna happen, and I'm gonna feel a tickle in my feet instead of my hands.
- Issy
Where da ladyboys at?
- Issy
I IS HONG KONG.
- Hong Kong
Ooh, OOOOOH! My little piggies ain't going to that market!
- Issy
It's not our past that defines us. It's what we did in our past.
- Ethan
I'm getting pretty good at this whole performative-male BeReal thing.
- Issy
In China, they have AI to read your face everywhere. Here, they make a blind guy feel your face.
- Issy, on Vietnam's slow immigration
Pillow Pets but Thailand: It's a lady! It's a boy! It's a ladyboy!
- Jaren
I think you can just enjoy plants. I don't need to become Shinto.
- Jonny, on bonsai
I can feel my stomach Bluetooth-connecting to the food.
- Issy
God tried to confuse our languages at Babel, but we're all one. *blows into straw*
- Ethan
That's the market, uncle. Go.
- A Xe
I've always felt that Vietnam is the Mexico of Southeast Asia.
- Jaren
Issy looks like he's soaked in genderfluid.
- Jaren
Are you saying twinks can't be fathers?
- Haley
I'm not emotionally invested in uselessness.
- Jaren
Schwan, your elite ball knowledge and humor are insane considering you have an above-90 Rice purity score.
- Issy
Ethan: How are you?
Waitress: I'm 35.
God told Gideon, if you take all the twinks and soyboys with you, you'll win.
- Issy
If I become a horse furry, you can institutionalize me.
- Jonny
I see your Marian dogmas and raise you transubstantiation.
- Schwan
Shut up, white boy. Cultural appropriation is my culture.
- Haley
You would be gaslighting me if they had lights here, but since there are no lights, you're just gassing me.
- Jaren
Like those T-Rexicles?
- Jonny
Geoguessr but it's just a picture of your bedroom
- Haley
I hear recordings of myself talking and think, "Wow, that guy sounds kinda pretentious."
- Schwan
Schwan, you sound like Elon Musk if he could talk properly.
- Jonny
I got to witness a full-on Sicilian crashout this morning.
- Jonny
One could study fluid dynamics by watching these motorbikes.
- Jeff
Would God really do this for the content?
- Schwan
There are lots of Indians here. Do you want me to flag down a doctor?
- Jaren
There is no "they"! It's not the Jews!
- Schwan
I hope my future children can barely speak English.
- Issy
Schwan, quit having your main character moment and help us build a wall!
- Issy
There is no male privilege on this trip. You're all stuck with this. *gestures widely*
- Morgan
You've gotta calm down. You're draining everyone's wizard mana here.
- Haley
I don't think you can overdose on two of most pills, so I took two.
- Haley
Schubert in the front, frat boys in the back: the mullet of car rides.
- Jaren
I'm not disappointed, I'm just furious.
- Jaren
We haven't been taught by the Lord on not ragebaiting yet.
- Ethan
I'll bet he carries around an umbrella to touch the high buttons on elevators.
- Haley, on a particularly short individual
Just wait until I'm no longer a minority. Things are gonna get...quirky.
- Haley
Put me on a bagel and call me papi.
- Jaren
Issy: diesel doesn't tend to spontaneously combust unless it's under really high pressure.
Schwan: same.
Guys, I've talked too much about stoning. You're gonna have to stone me.
- Haley